May 15, 2010

Purposeful Living
Do you ever get so caught up in "doing" that you forget what you're doing it for? The last couple of months have been a total blur for me. Somewhere in that blur, there were birthdays, meetings, workout days, kid's events etc. -- some dry stuff and some really wonderful stuff, but looking back I am wondering if I was chewing without tasting!

Does Bionic Woman feel more deeply?
Better, stronger, faster - we continue to push and push and push. I can be a real workhorse - competitive, strong of mind and body and with exacting quality standards. But this applies more to my working life - do I approach my personal goals with the same drive and passion? Like so many women, I think it sneaks up on us and our dearest needs, hopes and desires slowly slip away from us like a receding tide. Chewing without tasting, looking versus seeing; "being there" versus true connection with others and with environments. If I am so omnipotent, why don't I feel wonder and joy at the same epic scale???

One thousand needles!
Sometimes it takes a physical twinge (or two, or three!) to jolt the mind and body back to attention and attentiveness. There can be a robotic separation of self when when we get caught up in "doing" rather than truly living and experiencing; using all of our senses. My mini-awakening came yesterday when I went for treatment of leg veins. A medical procedure to kill off varicose veins with a painful series of injections. The physician was experienced and quick with a needle, but the process was much more extensive than I imagined it would be. Like an explosion of glass embedding my tender skin, when we had reached the half-way point, I thought "What on earth have I got myself into?" I likely had fifty or so injections, but it felt like a thousand, a million - my nerve endings on fire with pain.

Nourishment
So, they wrapped me up -- I am bandaged from ankle to groin on both legs and my best friend was waiting for me in the waiting room. You have to walk, albeit gently for about 30-45 minutes after this treatment; so we went to a city park. The May air was moist and fragrant; the sun, benevolent and restorative. I was already willing my body to heal, to feel the promise through the pain. My little wake up call came in all of those rapid-fire injections -- I am so fortunate, I am in possession of these amazing gifts and abilities; I am willing myself to soar and I am committed to my self-care above all things.

When we are fully engaged in our self-care we reap the benefits many times over and the quality of our experience can then over-spill to all others we touch -- AND we truly are able to touch others, because we are really connecting; not just buzzing by.